Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Friday, October 7

Professions

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

An archaeologist is a person whose career lies in ruins.

An architect is someone who makes beautiful models, but unaffordable realities.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

A chemical engineer is a man who is doing for profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. (Laurence J. Peter)

An editor is a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed. (Elbert Hubbard)

Journalists spend 50% of their time not saying what they know and 50% of their time talking about things they don't know.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief". (Franz Kafka)

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)

A modern artist is someone who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

A philosopher is a person who doesn't have a job but at least understands why.

A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

A psychologist is a person to whom you pay a lot of money to ask you questions that your wife asks free of charge.

Schoolteachers used to think they liked children.

A sociologist is someone who, when a beautiful woman enters the room and everybody looks at her, looks at everybody else.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

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