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Wednesday, October 26

Vikings

This one actually does originate from the NASA official site (original url arwen.arc.nasa.gov). Regrettably, the original version has since been removed, but the text not only remains in electronic circulation but has even made it to print a few times. Edit: The original has now been reposted by its author at Paul Gazis's Aviation Page. Thanks, Paul!


SUBJECT: Procedure to Follow in the Event That Building 245 is Attacked by Vikings

BACKGROUND: Since the decline of the Carolingian Empire in the 10th century, Building 245 of the NASA Ames Research Center has been subject to periodic raids by Viking marauders. These marauders generally attack in search of gold, religious icons, and other forms of plunder. The NASA Ames Barbarian Affairs Office has established the following procedures for defense against Viking raids:

DEFENSE AGAINST VIKING RAIDS

1.0 Complete a DARC-820AD ('Identifying a Barbarian Attack') to determine if the visitors are Viking raiders.
1.1 Are the strangers wearing weapons, helmets, and armor?
1.2 Do the strangers lack trade goods or other evidence that they might only be peaceful merchants?
1.3 Do the strangers have NASA Ames visitor ID badges?
1.31 If so, do these badges identify the visitors as Viking raiders?

2.0 Fill out Viking Raid Logbook in Division Office.

3.0 Complete an FF-1066AD ('Report of Viking Raid')
3.1 Section I -- Identity of the attackers
3.11 Nationality (if not Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, or Frisian check 'Other').
3.12 Name of leader (include name of family and clan)
3.13 Under 'Religion' check either 'Pagan' or 'Converted'.
3.2 Section II -- Program Office Review
3.21 Check 'Unclassified'.
3.22 Originating NASA Organization (NASA Ames Research Center/SST).
3.23 Type in Division Chief.
3.24 Type in Mail Code under 'Office Code'.
3.25 Type in Mail Code under 'Program Office and Code'.
3.3 Write cover letter to NASA Headquarters.

4.0 Assemble the FF-1066AD package. Separate and assemble the FF-1066AD with four (4) copies of cover letter as follows:
4.1 First Page (white) -- attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: DO/218-2.
4.2 Second Page (green) -- attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: S/200-7.
4.3 Third Page (pink) -- attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: SS/245-1.
4.4 Fourth Page (yellow) -- attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: Branch Code and Mail Stop (SST/245-3).

5.0 Finish DARC-820AD -- staple copies of letter to Headquarters (Step 3.3) to the back.

6.0 Forward DARC-820AD and FF-1066AD package to Division Office for signatures.
6.1 Division Chief will forward DARC-820AD and letters to secretary to file in author's file.
6.2 Division Office will sign FF-1066AD, date all copies, and forward them as follows:
6.21 Original: to Document Control Clerk.
6.21 Others: to Branch Office and Directorate Office.

7.0 Take refuge in the hills until the raiders are gone.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Paul said...

Ho ho! I'm glad to see my old Vikings page is still out there! I posted the original to our project Web site at the NASA Ames Research Center back in 1995, where it remained until The Powers That Be made me take it down. But for those who are curious, a copy of the original, along with many other things, still exists at

http://paulgazis.com/

1:51 PM  
Blogger Tenebris said...

You wrote a classic! A pity they made you take it down. NASA has changed in so many ways, what exists now is hardly recognisable.

Thanks for the new link. I edited the post to include it.

7:01 PM  

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