Smile of the Day

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Sunday, November 6

From the world of law

From Disorder in the Court, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you ?
A: My name is Susan.

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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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