Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Monday, November 21

The Game of GOOMF

... as related to me by Ruffled Puppy; and this Game is far from unique to the specific store discussed! (Right, Google?)

It stands for "Get Out Of My Face", and I learned it while working at an unusually eccentric [anonymous] Computer Store. [Our store motto: "No one leaves here without giving us Cash."]

This is just for your amusement, to see if you have been playing the Game without knowing it, with variable degrees of success; or perhaps you can join in the Game, now that you know it is out there. Here are the rules:

1) An Animate Object ("AO") enters your Zone. Does this AO have money on its person? Credit cards count. [Or information, or anything else useful to you. Collectively, "lucre".]

2) Arrange for the lucre to be transferred to you, a.k.a. "sell something".

3) If the AO doesn't have lucre on its person, will it have some in the future [Future lucre]? If yes, entice them to return at a specific moment (date, time) with lucre in hand.

4) Does the AO know others with with lucre? If so, entice them to reveal the identity of the Others, and as many details as possible about the Others as individuals, the Others' unfulfilled desires, and especially about the Others access to lucre.

5) If the AO does not have lucre or connections with lucre, GOOMF them.

6) GOOMFing them entails making the AO go away happy, just in case the AO acquires future lucre or additional Others. This is where the game gets good, and players really show their stuff. The AO must ALWAYS feel that they benefited from the encounter.


[Basic Level]

Poor player:
AO enters store. "Got any #GYQ batteries?" "Sorry, no." AO leaves.

Good player: AO enters store. "Got any #GYQ batteries?" "We have found that those batteries are only used by an elite group, so we don't keep them in stock, but I would be happy to call around and find out who has some in stock and ship them express to you -- you could order them now and you will get them tomorrow. [Get the lucre now.] I apologise for the inconvenience, but in the future you can just call me -- here is my card -- and I can personally send you those batteries without you having to make a trip. [Future lucre.] I could do that for your friends who use them, too. [Get information on Others.]

[Intermediate Level]

Good player:
"Quite frankly, I don't think a computer would help you organise your recipes, unless you want to learn some programming so you could set up a system where you could type in "chicken" and "peas" and "noodles" and come up with all your recipes that use those things. A 3x5 card file will do all you want, for $10 or less. Or you could buy this $2000 computer, but it really won't do any more for you than the 3x5 cards, except you will be able to brag about how you "computerised" your recipes. Oh, the wives of your husband's business friends say computers make everything easier? Well, a computer is just a tool, like a hammer or a needle -- and a hammer won't help you sew a button on. I don't think this is the right tool for you. But if you ever need a database, here is my card." (Her husband's business friends flocked to someone who wouldn't sell them something they didn't need.)

[Advanced Level]

(Elderly couple wanders into a store that is located at the corner of four "towns" in a densely populated urban area, asking for directions to a beloved granddaughter's house. Salesperson refers the question to store manager.)

"I'm afraid I'm not personally acquainted with Maisie -- XYZ College, well, you certainly have to get to *that* graduation ceremony, she must be a very bright girl! You didn't bring her phone number with you, you don't have the street address -- you don't know the town -- it is the blue house on the corner -- is that the one with the tree? Oh, then go out the parking lot, turn left, and ... and here is my card, call me if you have any trouble ..."

Face it, these sweet people were not going to make it to Maisie's graduation without divine intervention. They got directions that headed them toward her college, except on the fifth turn they were told to turn left on a one-way road that only goes right, and they would assume the mistake was theirs. They would consult another stranger who might possibly be able to help them -- we certainly couldn't, because they didn't know what town she lived in and couldn't remember her husband's name, so phone books were useless. They left with a warm fuzzy feeling toward us, and never used the card. I hope they made it to Maizie's graduation.

Basically, do what you can, get what you can, and leave everybody happy about the interaction.

So: is it a heartless exercise, or a reasonable solution? Have you been playing the game of GOOMF without knowing it (and if so, are you good at it)? Do you have any war stories to add to the collection?


Post a Comment

<< Home