Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Monday, December 5

Applicant-speak

What they say, and what they mean by it:

I know how to deal with stressful situations.
I am usually on Prozac. When I am not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication and organizational skills.
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I am extremely adept at all manner of office organisation.
I have used Microsoft Office.

My pertinent work experience includes:...
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I take pride in my work.
I blame others for my mistakes.

I am balanced and centered.
I will keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunchroom.

I have a sense of humor.
I know a lot of corny, old jokes, and I tell them badly. (Hmm, sounds familiar ...)

I am willing to relocate.
As I just left San Quentin, anywhere is better.

I am extremely professional.
I carry a Day-Timer.

My background and skills match your requirements.
You are probably looking for someone more experienced.

I am adaptable.
I have changed jobs a lot.

I am on the go.
I am never at my desk.

I am highly motivated to succeed.
The minute I find a better job, I am outta there.

I have formal training.
I am a college dropout.

I interact well with co-workers.
I have been accused of sexual harassment.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Wait! Don't throw me away!

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