Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Tuesday, December 6

Employer-speak

What they say and what they mean by it:

Entry level position.
You will be making minimum wage.

Entry level position in an up-and-coming company.
You will be making minimum wage; we will be bankrupt in a year.

Profit-sharing plan.
Once it is shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.

Competitive salary.
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company.
We have no time to train you; you will have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

Nationally recognised leader.
Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.

Immediate opening.
The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We are just now running the ad.

Casual work atmosphere.
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up, although a couple of the really daring guys wear earrings.

Competitive environment.
We have a lot of turnover.

Must be deadline oriented.
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required.
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Flexible hours.
Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

Must have an eye for detail.
We have no quality control.

College degree preferred.
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work.

Career minded.
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person.
If you are old, fat or ugly, you will be told the position has been filled.

No phone calls please.
We have filled the job; our call for resum├ęs is just a legal formality.

Problem-solving skills a must.
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills.
You will have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

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