Smile of the Day

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Friday, December 9

Final exams

The following items have been excerpted from recent first-year Graduate Qualifying Examinations. They are published here as a public service for the edification of those undergraduates planning to attend graduate school.

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. You may begin immediately.

Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected.

Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed protestors are storming the classroom. Calm them.

Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to your room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your action.

Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and peform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Political Science: There is a telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report on its sociopolitical effects, if any.

Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to the English parlimentary system.

Management Science: Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalised algorithm to optimise all managerial decisions. Implement your algorithm on either a GE 645, CDC 7600, IBM 360/195, or PDP 8. Your program should include all the software necessary to support 100 interactive consoles.

Extra credit: Define the universe. Give three examples.

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