Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Sunday, January 1

Attainable New Year's Resolutions

  1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
  2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
  3. Read less.
  4. Watch more TV. I have been missing some good stuff.
  5. Procrastinate more.
  6. Drink. Drink some more.
  7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
  8. Spend at least $1000 a month on hookers.
  9. Spend more time at work.
  10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
  11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
  12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
  13. Personal goal: bring back disco.
  14. Start being superstitious.
  15. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.


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