Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Monday, February 6

Fifty fun things to do at Wal-Mart

  • Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
  • Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
  • Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
  • Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
  • Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
  • Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. [Star Wars fans should have an advantage here]
  • Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
  • Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  • When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow aisles.
  • Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
  • Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
  • Play with the automatic doors.
  • Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long! ..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
  • While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
  • Repeat in the jewelry department.
  • Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a "test drive".
  • Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
  • Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
  • As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerised and say, "Wow. Magic!"
  • Put M&Ms on layaway.
  • Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
  • Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
  • Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
  • Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  • Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "... I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"
  • TP [toilet paper] as much of the store as possible.
  • Randomly throw things over into neighbouring aisles.
  • Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
  • When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
  • When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
  • Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, ie., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
  • Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. [And this is where Avalon Hill addicts will have the edge.]
  • Take bets on the battle described above.
  • Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
  • While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
  • Hold indoor shopping cart races.
  • Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
  • Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
  • Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
  • Say things such as, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
  • Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
  • Two words: "Marco Polo".
  • Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
  • "Re-alphabetise" the CDs in Electronics.
  • In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
  • When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
  • Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
  • When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It is those voices again!"
  • Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
  • Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

*BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.


Blogger lisseli said...


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1:34 AM  

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