Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Monday, February 13

He said:

I am hungry.
I am hungry. I want food and/or please make me food.

I don't know.
I really don't care and/or I am really confused.

I like your dress.
Nice cleavage.

I like your necklace.
Nice cleavage.

I like your hair/shirt/earrings/shoes.
I am trying to impress you by showing you I noticed.

Let's talk.
I am trying to impress you with my conversation skills because I want you to believe that I am a sensitive and caring person.

What is wrong?
I know you won't tell me, but if I don't ask, you will hold it against me the next time we fight.

I won't do it again.
I won't do it when I know you will find out about it.

Sure, I can make dinner.
Frag-darn-consarn it, where are the Yellow Pages?

I don't want to go to the mall.
It is inevitable, but I must resist to preserve my manhood.

I don't want to watch The Notebook again.
I have already lost my manhood, and I don't want to lose it again.

I don't want to watch One Tree Hill / The O.C. / Gilmore Girls / substitute your local relationships television show.
I wish Boy Meets World / substitute your own oblivious-guy-grows-up television show were still on television. Those were the days.

How was your day?
I have prepared myself for an hour of complaining. My nerves of steel will last as long as they can bear.

I missed you.
You are back already?

Can I call you / invite you to dinner / take you to a film / dance with you / drive you home?
I would really like to have sexual relations at some point in the near future. How about now?

The quick emergency SparkNote:
Here is the sad truth about guys: there really is not much more to what guys have to say. They are not hiding anything when they respond to a question. There just is not that much to their answers. If they try to get together with you, here and now they find you sexually appealing. Accept the compliment, smile, deal with it as you choose to deal with it, and don't look for what is not there.


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