Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Friday, February 24

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English

  • The bandage was wound around the wound.
  • The farm was used to produce produce.
  • The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • We must polish the Polish furniture.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  • The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
    time to present the present.
  • At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
  • When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  • I did not object to the object.
  • The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  • There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  • They were too close to the door to close it.
  • The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  • A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  • To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  • The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  • After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
  • Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  • I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  • How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
  • I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
  • If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree ...

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple; and English muffins were not invented in England. Your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out; and an alarm goes off by going on. Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. You can make amends but not one amend; and why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Let's face it: English is a crazy language. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

5 Comments:

Anonymous Greg Millan said...

Hi! :) You've been tagged.

5s:

1) 5 Things You Can’t Do
2) 5 Things You Can Do
3) 5 Things That Scare You
4) 5 Things You Love
5) 5 Things You Hate
6) 5 Random Facts About You
7) 5 Things You Want To Do Before You Die

Now tag 5 others! :)

7:09 PM  
Blogger wolfpox said...

You stole this from somewhere, didn't you? Either way, it's great. I was just talking with someone about this exact thing yesterday.

7:14 PM  
Anonymous Sesquipedalien said...

Naw... not stolen. It's "recycled," right Tenebris?

3:11 AM  
Blogger Jordan said...

Wow and I thought french was a stupid language!

7:46 PM  
Blogger Tenebris said...

"Recycled", perhaps, beyond any hope of actual identifiable author-ity. (Ever notice how the vast majority of good jokes seem not to have identifiable authors?) Where I know it or can track it down, I credit it :)

And French has its own set of language weirdities. The one that jumps instantly to mind is how the meaning of a word can change based simply on a change of word gender: eg. le livre (masc.) = "book"; la livre (fem.) = "pound" (weight or money).

8:05 PM  

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