Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Sunday, March 26

Men and women

  • If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
  • If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

  • When the bill arrives, each of the men will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
  • When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
  • A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

  • A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaver, a bar of soap, and a hotel towel.
  • The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

  • Women love cats.
  • Men say they love cats, but when women are not looking, men kick cats.

  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change. (He won't.)
  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change. (She will.)

  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
  • A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

  • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
  • Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

  • A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


Blogger the shrewness said...

what a great way to start my morning!

awesome list! :)

12:10 PM  
Blogger Pynchon said...

I've read that before, but it is still funny.

10:27 PM  

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