Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Sunday, March 12

Nervousness

At his first mass, a new priest was so nervous he could hardly get the words out. Immediately after he had managed the final benediction, he begged for advice from the monsignor. The monsignor told him: "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday the young priest takes the monsignor's advice. When he starts to get nervous at the beginning of the sermon, he reaches for the glass of vodka he had prepared. It certainly helped the nervousness, and he proceeds to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, however, he finds the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God!"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

1 Comments:

Blogger the shrewness said...

oh my. that was so funny! ive been giggling for almost an hour now. everytime i remember mary with a cherry, i lugh my donkey, i mean my ass off!

thanks for the laughs!

8:03 PM  

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