Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Saturday, April 8

His and hers: the road trip

HERS
1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
2. Opens window or pulls out cellphone.
3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer or other contact.
4. Arrives at destination presently.

HIS
1. Pulls off at wrong exit, absolutely positive it is the correct one.
2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still convinced he is right.
3. Drives an extra five miles just in case.
4. Finally rolls down window.
5. Hocks a loogie.
6. Pulls up to a 7-Eleven.
7. Gets three hot dogs, a large Slurpee and beef jerky.
8. Asks the new immigrant behind the counter how to get back onto the highway.
9. Gets back into car.
10. Farts.
11. After he closes the door.
12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-Eleven.
13. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because the 7-Eleven cashier said it was.
14. Almost hits a deer.
15. Curses the night.
16. Curses her.
17. Curses the large Slurpee.
18. Stops by the side of the road.
19. Takes a leak.
20. Still taking a leak.
21. Almost done.
22. I think.
23. Returns to car.
24. Drives and fiddles with radio.
25. Pulls up GPS display while driving.
26. Stares at the GPS knowledgeably.
27. Yells at her for suggesting the map again.
28. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at her sister's anyway.
29. He hates her sister.
30. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
31. He had to look up pernicious.
32. Couldn't find a dictionary.
33. Finally found a dictionary.
34. Couldn't spell pernicious.
35. Seethes at the memory of it all.
36. But she is laughing inside.
37. And of course they are both still lost.

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