Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Wednesday, July 5

Aussies, Brits, Americans, and Canadians

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians: Spell more or less like the Brits, pronounce like Americans, and throw in some extra regional slang to confuse everything.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate," and a heavy accent to everything they say.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians, ignored by Americans, and therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.


Blogger Ancient Clown said...

An old joke with an added twist:
An Aussie, Canadian & American are sitting in a bar. American picks up his drink, chugs it back, throws the glass up in the air, then takes his gun out and shoots it. Slamming his gun on the bar he exclaims loudly; "In the US of A, we all so rich we never have to drink from the same glass twice."

The Aussie nudges the Canadian, chugs his drink down, picks up the American's gun and throws his glass into the air shooting it, he slams the gun on the bar and retorts; "Down under, we have so much sand, we can make as many glasses as we want and WE don't have to drink from the same glass twice either."

Canadian smiles, finishes his drink, puts the glass down, then picks up the American's gun and shoots the American, saying to the Aussie; "In Canada, there are so many Americans, we never have to drink with the same one twice."

The Brit bartender looks over and asks; "Who's going to pay for all this?" The Canadian and Aussie both look at each other and say; "The rich American".

your humble servant,
Ancient Clown

P.S. I AM, a student of life, as such everyone is my teacher, my only real responsibility is to first master my 'self' and choose my mentors well. ALL teach-ALL learn. The Master you seek will be the one you find.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Tenebris said...

*laugh* so what, do you think, is the purpose of this site? (I ask, in part, because of your choice of offering.)

11:17 PM  

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