Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Monday, April 23

Russian space agency to bring down Boris Yeltsin

MOSCOW, RUSSIA (DPI) - Despite skepticism from foreign observers, the Russian Space Agency is confident that it can bring Boris Yeltsin down to Earth under full control next week.

Yeltsin, last seen high as a kite on vodka and bad herring, is reported to be over the Earth in a geosynchronous orbit above Minsk. Plans to bring him down include telling him he is not President anymore, and that the Rocky & Bullwinkle movie was a box office disappointment.

"That should really knock the wind out of his sails," said Russian Space Administrator, Boris Skywalksky. "He really loved Bullwinkle. He reminds Yeltsin of Brezhnev. If that doesn't bring him down, we will tell him that his mother never really loved him. After bringing him down so low, we have a healthy supply of uppers to raise his spirits, but they are carefully calibrated to raise him no higher than sea level. We are all aware of the threat to international navigation and air travel that an orbiting inebriate poses."

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