Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Tuesday, January 2

An increasingly familiar vocabulary for the new year

ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

ALPHA GEEK
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.

ASSMOSIS
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

CHIPS & SALSA
Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa."

CLM (Career Limiting Move)
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

FLIGHT RISK
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

GENERICA
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."

GOOD JOB (Get Out Of Debt)
A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

IDEA HAMSTERS
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you have just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what is going on.

SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

SITCOMs (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage)
What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STARTER MARRIAGE
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets.

STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPED OUT
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

UMFRIEND
A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dyan, my ... um ... friend."

UNINSTALLED (Also, "decruitment")
Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance."

VULCAN NERVE PINCH
The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We each owe $8, but all anybody has are yuppie food stamps."

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