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Sunday, April 15

The incidence of overweight in a selected population

John Cocker, MB BS et al*


Objective: To calculate the average weight of a specific population using the most recent census figures, and thereby establish the percentage who are overweight.

Methodology: Using every one of the existing census returns, the raw weight figures were calculated on a Time Magazine hand-held calculator; this operation was performed three times with different results each time, so an average was taken. This was divided by the total number of people in the population, giving an average weight per person. Next, the number of people over that weight was counted, and the number of people under that weight was calculated. This number turned out by great coincidence to be the same. One person was the exact weight, and it could not be decided where this person fitted.

Results: The average weight was found to be 145.78233611422 pounds. Further calculations showed that 49.999999999% were over this weight, while 49.999999999% were under. A total of 0.000000001% were the average weight.

Validation: These figures were then subjected to the Stitches-Haigh Morton validation procedure (p whatever) by the LUGTRUW (Let Us Get The Results U Want) Institute of Advanced Statistics.

Disclosure: The researcher is overweight, but has so far failed to get any interested party to pay for the research.

Mortality: From previous studies, it would seem the death rate of both groups is identical, at, eventually, 100%.

Summary: Approximately 50% of the target group are overweight, while about 50% are underweight. By using rigid diets, the underweight group could become overweight, while the overweight group could become underweight. This would promote the sale of diet books. The one person who was the exact average weight is considered a statistical anomaly, and therefore not significant.

*I happen to know that Al did most of the work - Ed.


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