Smile of the Day

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Monday, April 9


To: All Seminar Leaders
From: Office
Subject: Business Travel Policy Guidelines

Please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy guidelines.

Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding Seminar Leaders on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.

If commercial transportation must be utilised, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorised for purchase in extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a seminar is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by travelling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

Bus transportation will be utilised whenever possible.

Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all Seminar Leaders prior to their departure on company business trips.

All Seminar Leaders are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while conducting seminars. If this is not possible, then cost-effective alternatives should be exploited.

Public areas such as parks and parking lots can be used during periods of good weather. In inclement weather, bridges may provide temporary shelter.

Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery chains, such as "General Nutrition Centres," and "Piggly Wiggly" stores often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can often be obtained in this manner.

Leaders should also become familiar with, and exploit the use of indigenous roots, berries and any other protein sources available at their destination(s). If restaurants must be utilised, Leaders should seek establishments offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will be especially valuable to Seminar Leaders during group lunches, as a single plate can be used to feed one clever group.

Seminar Leaders are also encouraged to bring their own food while on the road conducting seminars. Cans of tuna fish, spam, and Beef-a-Roni can be conveniently consumed at your leisure, without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation.

Entertainment while on the road is discouraged. If such extravagances are required for business reasons, the customer should be encouraged to "pick up the tab." Such actions will save the company money and also convince the customer that we are concerned about "spending his money on providing a good product for him," not on useless overhead frivolities which can drive up our prices.

Hospitality provided to our customers at our facility shall be tasteful, yet cost-effective. In lieu of frivolous dinners, a picnic bench will be placed in the parking lot complete with garden hose for liquid refreshments.

All Seminar Leaders are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our common effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport "layover" periods which could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all Seminar Leaders prior to departure so that they may earn tips for helping other travellers with their luggage during such periods. Small plastic roses will also be made available to Seminar Leaders so that sales may be made as time permits.


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