Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Friday, May 18

Bush responsible for Mars close approach

According to Democratic insiders, carelessness on the part of top officials of the Bush Administration has allowed the planet Mars to approach dangerously close to Earth. While pundits of the Bush inner circle deny responsibility, claiming that this is a cosmic phenomenon that naturally occurs every 60,000 years or so, Bush critics claim otherwise.

"They had 60,000 years to prepare for this!" cried Charles Schummer of New York. "How could they be so careless?"

Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey was quoted as saying, "First we had to suffer the Perseid Meteor Showers, known to have been allowed to happen under the first Lincoln Administration, and now this. Where will it all end? When will the GOP begin to care about stopping this -- if not for us, then for the children!"

Senator Ted Kennedy quoted an unnamed source that "92% of all cosmic events" adversely affect the ozone layer and contribute to airborne particle pollution worldwide. This, coupled with the GOP's deregulation of all American seismic activity that resulted in the Mt. St. Helens eruption, further proves that the current administration is soft on environmental concerns.

Mayor Daly of Chicago called for more "common sense" meteoric control legislation. "The Perseids cannot go unchecked. Why, we could start losing satellites at an alarming rate," said the mayor. "If allowed to go on uncontrolled, someday Satcom 6 might take a hit, and nobody will be able to watch 'Everybody Loves Raymond' anymore. Then what? We need to stop this as soon as possible. It is time for GOP inaction on these issues to end."

Former President Bill Clinton stated that if he were in the White House, he would have ordered that three or four decommissioned Saturn V rocket boosters be fired at the Red Planet, pushing back to where it came from. He went on to say, "Man, those big rockets are huge! Standing up there, pointing to the sky, absolutely magnificent as their massive engines throb to life ... ah well, I sure miss Monica."

A spokesmen for the Bush administration could not be reached for comment. When it was attempted to reach the President on his private line in the White House residence, someone sounding a lot like Mr. Bush spoke in a fake Chinese accent, "So sorry, this is Chinese houseboy. Nobody home now. Call back rater, prease." Suppressed laughter could be heard in the background as the phone was being hung up.


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