Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?




Saturday, May 19

New drugs for women

ANTIBOYOTICS
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on makeup.

ANTITALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

DAMNITOL
Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

DUBMEROL (also known as DUMBEROL)
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

SEXCEDRIN
More effective than Excedrin in treating the "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

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