Smile of the Day

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Friday, May 25

Top twenty reasons why Star Wars is better than Titanic

20. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

19. Titanic is big, but does it have hyperdrive?

18. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.

17. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.

16. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?

15. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.

14. We knew the boat was going to sink. But who could have anticipated: "Luke ... I am your father"?

13. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.

12. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.

11. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

10. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."

9. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?

8. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancée like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.

7. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.

6. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

5. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.

4. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

3. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

2. Two words: John Williams.

And, of course, the number one reason:

1. Han Solo would have missed the dang iceberg!

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