Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Friday, June 27

Reuters newsflash

10 May, 2000

Women across the capital celebrated the improved weather this week, preparing their breasts for the increased exposure and display that the warm weather now demands. For the last 6-8 months, women's breasts, obscured by baggy sweaters and shapeless jackets, have existed only in the imaginations and fond memories of men.

Yet, with the coming of spring, all that has changed, as girls now slip into less fabric and fewer layers. Their breasts, like animals emerging from hibernation, once again climb out into the sunshine, stretch out in the open air and, with near-mythic power, grab the attention of all around.

"I just bought a new spring 'mini-vest' from French Connection," said Covent Garden, media-exec Sophie Lambert, 24. "It is snug. Almost too-small really. Plenty of blokes seem to notice my tits when I wear it on sunny days."

Miss Lambert's male colleagues who have seen the vest confirmed that it was "blinding", and added that they are eagerly looking forward to seeing her "cracking pair" protrude from within it very soon.

"In countries with warmer climates, the vast quantities of breasts tend to take on a diminished significance, because of overexposure," says Professor Dorothy Primus of the Feminist Studies Department, University College London. "The male populace tends to become jaded toward breasts, as they are nearly always visible even to a casual onlooker" Primus went on to explain, however, that the UK's ebb and flow of seasons creates a corresponding ebb and flow of breast visibility. The recent fine weather and resulting preponderance of breast displays has brought London to its knees with heterosexual males gawking at the near-unbelievable levels of mammarian visibility.

Although most men agree that the natural power of the female breast needs no improvement, some women are using technology to further enhance their breast goals. Fulham secretary Heather Phillips, 22, a self-confessed B-cup with aspirations toward the C-range, plans to covertly employ a "Wonder Bra," to make her breasts appear a full cup-size larger throughout the summer months. Boyfriend Mark Chambers is reported to be "delighted".

Experts are not surprised by Miss Phillips' breast enhancement efforts, as spring frequently brings about a heightened air of sexual tension.

Feminist lesbian organisations in London agreed "Although we are deeply opposed to the systematic sexual objectification of women and their breasts by male heterodoxy, we lesbians are in a uniquely two-fold position of strength in these wondrous springtime months, enjoying both the opportunity to display our fantastic breasts to others, and the chance to enjoy an eyeful of the breasts of our fellow sisters," says Megan Thomas of radical group Lesbian Militants for Social Change.

Upon spotting a lithe, crop-topped, female walking nearby, Ms Thomas bit her knuckles, adding, "I mean ... just check out the cans on that."

... and this is said to be an actual news report!


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