Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Saturday, July 12

In tune

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up ... but then she says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "What?"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, What was her first clue? I finally realise that nothing is going to happen that night, so I forced myself to fall asleep.

The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around behind her while she tried on outfit after outfit, and kept coming back to three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

Then she tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each, to which I say okay. And then we go to the jewellery department, where she finds herself a set of diamond earrings. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet, because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that even the tennis bracelet was okay. She was breathing very quickly now, and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

Then I told her, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." Her face went completely blank. So I said, "Really honey! I just want you to hold this stuff for a while."

Just as she started to look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I should be having relations again sometime during the spring thaw.


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