Smile of the Day

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

Saturday, December 6

Which is best for Christmas?

Christmas tree
  • Yuppie: Live tree, planted after use.
  • Male: Fake tree, discarded after use.
  • Female: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits.
  • Reality: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls.
Christmas lights
  • Yuppie: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm.
  • Male: Bulbs flash logo of football team.
  • Female: Elegant flickering candles.
  • Reality: Tree burns out a fuse.
Top of the tree
  • Yuppie: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype.
  • Male: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt.
  • Female: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas.
  • Reality: Hell's Angels steal the tree and the gifts.
  • Yuppie: Empower each strand with self-determining skills.
  • Male: Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree.
  • Female: Hang each icicle like strand of delicate artwork.
  • Reality: More icicles on floor than on tree.
Opening gifts
  • Yuppie: Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules so that all can enjoy the surprise and joy.
  • Male: Anytime, just so long as you don't block the TV.
  • Female: Anytime the entire family is present.
  • Reality: Doesn't matter, everyone has peeked anyway.
Christmas dinner
  • Yuppie: Tofurkey.
  • Male: Anything, as long as there is lots of beer.
  • Female: A meal the entire family plans and prepares together.
  • Reality: Chinese carry-out.


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